I'm assuming the first inequality needs absolute values also; if not then exchanging the roles of $x$ and $y$ forces a number and its opposite to both be greater than two.
In this case, there is such an $f$ which is injective:
Let $f(1)=1$.
Assume $f$ has been defined and satisfies the two properties on $\{1,\ldots,m\}$. To define $f(m+1)$ injectively, still satisfying the two above properties, we need that $f(m+1)$ is not in the range of $f$ as defined so far, and also a finite set of inequalities. ($\lfloor\sqrt{m}\rfloor$ of them if $m+1$ is not a square, and an additional $m$ of them if $m+1$ is a square.) If $f(m+1)$ is defined sufficiently large, all these conditions will be met.
Proceed by induction; the resulting function on $\mathbb{N}$ will be as desired.
You ask "What properties should $f$ posess?" If you're looking to contruct an $f$ which grows as slowly as possible, an inspection of the above construction could give one slowish example.