So I've been reading about derived categories recently (mostly via Hartshorne's Residues and Duality and some online notes), and while talking with some other people, I've realized that I'm finding it difficult to describe what a "triangle" is (as well as some other confusions, to be described below).
Let $\mathcal{A}$ be an abelian category, and let $K(\mathcal{A})$ and $D(\mathcal{A})$ be its homotopy category and derived categories respectively.
By definition, in either $K(\mathcal{A})$ or $D(\mathcal{A})$,
(1) A triangle is a diagram $X\rightarrow Y\rightarrow Z\rightarrow X[1]$ which is isomorphic to a diagram of the form $$X\stackrel{f}{\rightarrow}Y\rightarrow Cone(f)\rightarrow X[1]$$
This is the definition, though I don't really understand the motivation.
Somewhat more helpful for me, is the definition:
(2) A cohomological functor from a triangulated category $\mathcal{C}$ to an abelian category $\mathcal{A}$ is an additive functor which takes triangles to long exact sequences.
Since taking cohomology of a complex (in either $K(\mathcal{A})$ or $D(\mathcal{A})$) is a cohomological functor, this definition tells me that I should think of a triangle as being like "a short exact sequence" (in the sense that classically, taking cohomology of a short exact sequence results in a long exact sequence). This idea is also supported by the fact:
(3) If $0\rightarrow X^\bullet\rightarrow Y^\bullet\rightarrow Z^\bullet\rightarrow 0$ is an exact sequence of chain complexes, then there is a natural map $Z^\bullet\rightarrow X[1]^\bullet$ in the derived category $D(\mathcal{A})$ making $X^\bullet\rightarrow Y^\bullet\rightarrow Z^\bullet\rightarrow X[1]^\bullet$ into a triangle (in $D(\mathcal{A})$).
This leads to my first precise question: Can there exist triangles in $D(\mathcal{A})$ which don't come from exact sequences? If so, is there a characterization of them? Is (3) false in the homotopy category $K(\mathcal{A})$? (certainly the same proof doesn't work).
I sort of expect that the answers to the first and last questions above to both be "Yes", which makes the comparison between triangles and "exact sequences" a bit weird. Of course, $K(\mathcal{A})$ and $D(\mathcal{A})$ are almost never abelian categories, and so it's "weird" to talk about exact sequences there.
I suppose at a fundamental level, I find the "homotopy category" somewhat mysterious. I don't completely understand it's role in the construction of the derived category, since after all homotopy equivalences are quasi-isomorphisms. I also find it difficult to internalize this notion of "homotopic morphisms of chain complexes". To me, it's just a "technical trick" which allows one to do all this magic with mapping cones which allows $K(\mathcal{A})$ to be a triangulated category, whereas the normal abelian category of chain complexes is not. I can prove things with it, but whenever I do, I sort of feel unsettled - as if I'm playing with something 'magical' that could, at any moment, turn on me unexpectedly.
In addition to my specific questions above, I suppose I was hoping that someone would be able to articulate in a nice way how one should think of triangles, why this notion of a triangulated category is so successful, and hopefully alleviate some of my unsettlement regarding homotopy.