One of my all-time leading candidates for Most Preposterous Theorem Ever:
Definition: A polynomial $f(x) \in \mathbb{C}[x]$ is indecomposable if whenever $f(x) = g(h(x))$ for polynomials $g$, $h$, one of $g$ or $h$ is linear.
Theorem. Let $f, g$, be nonconstant indecomposable polynomials over $\mathbb C$. Suppose that $f(x)-g(y)$ factors in $\mathbb{C}[x,y]$. Then either $g(x) = f(ax+b)$ for some $a,b \in \mathbb{C}$, or $$\operatorname{deg} f = \operatorname{deg} g = 7, 11, 13, 15, 21, \text{ or } 31,$$ and each of these possibilities does occur.
The proof uses the classification of the finite simple groups [!!!] and is due to Fried [1980, in the proceedings of the 1979 Santa Cruz conference on finite groups], following a the reduction of the problem to a group/Galois-theoretic statement by Cassels [1970]. [W. Feit, "Some consequences of the classification of finite simple groups," 1980.]
