Do good math jokes exist? - MathOverflow [closed]

Do good math jokes exist?

2009-10-18T21:47:45Z

Have a good joke? Share.

I know this is subjective, but the principle "should be of interest to mathematicians" trumps. (I hope.)

Answer by David Brown for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-10-18T21:54:35Z

There's a Notices article on this.

Answer by Harrison Brown for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-10-18T22:16:14Z

I've always thought that "What's the value of a contour integral around Western Europe?" "Zero. All the Poles are in Eastern Europe." was pretty good, although not laugh-out-loud funny by any means.

Another one I personally like is "What's an anagram of Banach-Tarski?" "Banach-Tarski Banach-Tarski."

It's not really a "joke," (and whether it's "mathematical" is, I suppose, debatable), but Knuth's article on the complexity of songs is pretty great.

Answer by Alon Amit for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-10-18T23:47:24Z

Tom Lehrer was a Mathematician and this comes through in several of his famous skits. Not precisely a "math joke", but still mathy and pretty darn funny.

Answer by las3rjock for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-10-19T00:13:36Z

An excerpt from H. Petard, "A contribution to the mathematical theory of big game hunting," The American Mathematical Monthly, vol. 45, no. 7, pp. 446-447, 1938:

The Hilbert, or axiomatic, method. We place a locked cage at a given point of the desert. We then introduce the following logical system.

Axiom I. The class of lions in the Sahara Desert is non-void.

Axiom II. If there is a lion in the Sahara Desert, there is a lion in the cage.

Rule of Procedure. If p is a theorem, and "p implies q" is a theorem, then q is a theorem.

Theorem I. There is a lion in the cage.

The method of inversive geometry. We place a spherical cage in the desert, enter it, and lock it. We perform an inversion with respect to the cage. The lion is then in the interior of the cage, and we are outside.

The method of projective geometry. Without loss of generality, we may regard the Sahara Desert as a plane. Project the plane into a line, and then project the line into an interior point of the cage. The lion is projected into the same point.

The Bolzano-Weierstrass method. Bisect the desert by a line running N-S. The lion is either in the E portion or in the W portion; let us suppose him to be in the W portion. Bisect this portion by a line running E-W. The lion is either in the N portion or in the S portion; let us suppose him to be in the N portion. We continue this process indefinitely, constructing a sufficiently strong fence about the chosen portion at each step. The diameter of the chosen portions approaches zero, so that the lion is ultimately surrounded by a fence of arbitrarily small perimeter.

Answer by William Mauritzen for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-10-19T00:16:11Z

A mathematician in a job interview was asked, "We need to see what kind of attitude you have toward problem solving. So tell us, is the glass half empty or half full."

His reply, "It's 1-x."

-William Mauritzen

Answer by las3rjock for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-10-19T00:29:09Z

"Finite Simple Group (of Order Two)" by the Klein Four a cappella group at Northwestern University (lyrics by Matt Salomone):

The path of love is never smooth
But mine's continuous for you
You're the upper bound in the chains of my heart
You're my Axiom of Choice, you know it's true

But lately our relation's not so well-defined
And I just can't function without you
I'll prove my proposition and I'm sure you'll find
We're a finite simple group of order two

I'm losing my identity
I'm getting tensor every day
And without loss of generality
I will assume that you feel the same way

Since every time I see you, you just quotient out
The faithful image that I map into
But when we're one-to-one you'll see what I'm about
'Cause we're a finite simple group of order two

Our equivalence was stable,
A principal love bundle sitting deep inside
But then you drove a wedge between our two-forms
Now everything is so complexified

When we first met, we simply connected
My heart was open but too dense
Our system was already directed
To have a finite limit, in some sense

I'm living in the kernel of a rank-one map
From my domain, its image looks so blue,
'Cause all I see are zeroes, it's a cruel trap
But we're a finite simple group of order two

I'm not the smoothest operator in my class,
But we're a mirror pair, me and you,
So let's apply forgetful functors to the past
And be a finite simple group, a finite simple group,
Let's be a finite simple group of order two
(Oughter: "Why not three?")

I've proved my proposition now, as you can see,
So let's both be associative and free
And by corollary, this shows you and I to be
Purely inseparable. Q. E. D.

Answer by David Brown for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-10-19T00:30:44Z

I received today this comment about a paper:

3 lines before section 2.1: A few typos: corresponds, 5-isogeny (I guess a 5-isogenie grants you five wishes?)

Answer by Deane Yang for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-10-19T00:33:44Z

Based on the answers above, no.

Answer by Richard Dore for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-10-19T00:36:41Z

Q: How do you tell an extroverted mathematican from an introverted one?

A: An extroverted mathematician stares at your shoes when talking to you.

Answer by Michael Kleber for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-10-19T01:26:40Z

Q: How many mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One: she gives it to three physicists, thus reducing it to a problem that has already been solved.

Answer by physis for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-10-19T01:58:15Z

If somebody likes mathematical logic, category theory, lambda calculus, combinatory logic, then the following article can provide him/her jokes that are at the same time correct mathematical theorems:

Ruehr, Fritz (2001). The Evolution of a Haskell Programmer. Willamette University.

The article provides approaches to implement a mere Fibonacci function with such "over-calibrated" methods like harnessing deep metamathematical theorems (combinatory logic, category theory).

Haskell is a programming language (named after the logician Haskell B. Curry). It has been developed by academia (not by industry or market), and most motivations behind its creation was cleanness and purity. And it is based directly on lambda calculus, type theory, combinatory logic. Many of the programmer practice in it is based on category theory and algebra.

Answer by Sam Derbyshire for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-10-19T05:18:50Z

I like this one:

A mathematican walks into a bar accompanied by a dog and a cow.
The bartender says, “Hey, no animals are allowed in here!”
The mathematician replies, “These are very special animals.”
“How so?”
“They’re knot theorists.”
The bartender raises his eyebrows and says, “I’ve met a number of knot theorists who I thought were animals, but never an animal that was a knot theorist.”
“Well, I’ll prove it to you. Ask them them anything you like.”
So the bartender asks the dog, “Name a knot invariant.”
“Arf! Arf!” barks the dog.
The bartender scowls and turns to the cow asking, “Name a topological invariant.”
“Mu! Mu!” says the cow.
At this point the bartender turns to the mathematican and says, “Very funny.” With that, he throws the three out of the bar.
Outside, sitting on the curb, the dog turns to the mathematican and asks, “Do you think I should have said the Jones polynomial instead?”

Answer by Alison Miller for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-10-19T06:25:23Z

Perhaps the question should be, not "Do good math jokes exist", but "are they unique"?

Answer by Mikael Vejdemo-Johansson for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-10-19T06:34:24Z

I find the observation that the grade school carry operation from addition-with-carry forms a non-trivial degree 1 cocycle in the group cohomology of Z/10 a pretty good joke embedded in mathematics.

Answer by Anton Geraschenko for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-10-19T06:35:14Z

Here's one I came up with a few years ago that I'm quite proud of.

Q: What do you get when you cross a chicken with an elephant?
A: The trivial elephant bundle on a chicken.

Answer by Thomas Riepe for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-10-19T10:50:44Z

Kurd Lasswitz, mathematician, writer, inventor of science fiction in Germany, wrote this "nth part of Faust" for the Breslau Mathematical Society 1882:

"Personen:
Prost, Stud. math. in höheren Semestern, steht vor dem Staats-Examen,
Mephisto, Dx (sprich De-ix), Differentialgeisterkönig, ein Fuchs.
Ort Breslau. Zeit: Nach dem Abendessen. (Rechts ein Sofa, auf dem Tische zwischen allerlei Büchern ein Bierseidel und Bierflaschen, links eine Tafel auf einem Gestell, Kreide und Schwamm. Auf der Tafel ist eine die gesamt Fläche einnehmende ungeheuerliche Differentialgleichung aufgeschrieben).

Prost am Tische, mit den Büchern beschäftigt. Er stärkt sich.

Prost

Habe nun, ach, Geometrie, Analysis und Algebra
und leider auch Zahlentheorie studiert,
und wie, das weiß man ja!
Da steh' ich nun als Kandidat
und finde zur Arbeit keinen Rat.
Ließe mich gern Herr Doktor lästern;
zieh' ich doch schon seit zwölf Semestern
herauf, herab und quer und krumm
meine Zeichen auf dem Papiere herum,
und seh', daß wir nichts integrieren können.
Es ist wahrhaftig zum Kopfeinrennen.

Zwar bin ich nicht so hirnverbrannt,
daß ich mich quälte als Pedant,
wenn ich 'ne Reihe potenziere,
zu seh'n, ob sie auch konvergiere,
... "

Answer by Peter Arndt for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-10-19T12:04:59Z

A creation of my own:

Q:What did the simplicial set say to the fibrant replacement functor?

A:"Oh, I'm so horny..."

Answer by Martin Peck for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-10-19T12:24:00Z

As it would be impossible to prove that good math jokes don't exist I would have to say that the probability is better than zero.

Answer by Frank Meulenaar for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-10-19T12:24:19Z

Ugh, why aren't these posted yet:

Q: What's purple and commutes? A: An Abelian grape.

Q: What's sour, yellow, and equivalent to the axiom of choice? A: Zorn's lemon.

etc.

Answer by Jacob for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-10-19T12:38:30Z

Quite a few mathematics / academic jokes here.

Answer by Jason Baker for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-10-19T12:45:01Z

A biologist, a physicist and a mathematician were all drinking coffee and tea and observing a house across the street from them. They notice that two people walk into the house and then an hour later, three people walk out.

Physicist: An experimental error. Our first measurement was incorrect.

Biologist: No, they've obviously reproduced.

Mathematician: No, now when a one person enters the house, it'll be empty again.

http://www.physicsforums.com/archive/index.php/t-4409.html

Answer by Gerald Edgar for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-10-19T13:38:32Z

A swiftie. Most of you are probably too young to remember them...

“ ” said Tom at length.

Answer by Anna Varvak for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-10-19T14:18:26Z

"Why did the chicken cross the Mobius band?"

The question isn't whether good math jokes exist, but whether they can be classified. The example above works because it plays on ones expectation of the "chicken crossing the road" jokes. Another one in the same vein, known as the shortest math joke:

"Let epsilon<0."

Another one, which I actually heard in class:

"Take a positive integer N. No wait, N is too big; take a positive integer k."

Here is a non-exhaustive classification of math jokes:

Puns on mathematical terminology
Mathematical reasoning in non-mathematical setting
Twists on expectations
Meta-jokes approached in a mathematical mode of enquiry

A joke can belong to more than one classification. For example, the "Dog and cow knot theorists" has both puns and a twist on expectations.

By the way, I would exclude jokes which are purely made on stereotypes, like the above joke on extrovert mathematician, because I don't find it funny.

I leave with one of my favorite meta-jokes:

"How many members of a certain demographic group does it take to perform a specified task? A finite number: one to perform the task and the remainder to act in a manner stereotypical of the group in question."

Answer by Greg Muller for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-10-19T15:51:47Z

An engineer hears that a famous mathematician will be giving a public lecture, and always having a soft spot for math, he attends. The mathematician then talks at length about all sorts of amazing phenomena that happen in 17 dimensional space. The engineer, amazed at this mathematician's intuition for 17 dimensional space, goes up to him afterwards and asks 'How do you picture 17 dimensions?", to which the mathematician answers 'Oh, its easy. Just imagine n-dimensional space, and set n equal to 17.'

My dad (an engineer) loves that joke.

Answer by zvasilyev for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-10-19T16:03:15Z

The spectral sequence is like the mini-skirt; it shows what is interesting while hiding the essential.

This saying is attributed to someone from Bourbaki in Bourbaki's Art of Memory.

Answer by Derek for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-10-19T16:26:01Z

What did the zero say to the eight? "Nice belt."

Answer by Mike Stay for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-10-19T17:19:06Z

Here are a few of my own inventions:

Old Macdonald had a form; e_i /\ e_i = 0

Save the environment: use continuation passing style!

What shape of pasta takes the least time to eat? Brachistochroni!

You might be a mathematician if you think fog is a composition.

The Yoda embedding, contravariant it is.

How are Goethe's Faust novels like isomorphisms of sets? Dey're de monic epics.

I'm kind of in two minds about this whole Schroedinger's cat thing...

qwhine, n. self-recrimination

recursive: (λ damn. damn (damn)) (λ damn. damn (damn))

Coeschatology: the study of the beginning of times. The coend is ming!

Answer by Qiaochu Yuan for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-10-19T17:28:43Z

Mike's last joke reminded me of this one: a comathematician is a device for turning cotheorems into ffee.

Answer by Scott Morrison for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-10-21T01:02:29Z

My favourite, from Eilenberg's obituary:

When someone once asked Professor Eilenberg if he could eat Chinese food with three chopsticks, he answered, "Of course," according to Professor Morgan. The questioner asked, "How are you going to do it?" and Professor Eilenberg replied, "I'll take the three chopsticks, I'll put one of them aside on the table, and I'll use the other two."

Answer by Scott Morrison for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-10-21T01:06:26Z

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are driving through the high country in Scotland. Atop a hill, they see a black sheep.

The engineer says: "All sheep are black!" The physicist says: "No, no, some sheep are black." The mathematician: "At least one sheep is black on at least one side."

Answer by Darsh Ranjan for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-10-21T01:54:54Z

There's a mathematician whose non-mathematician friends are constantly ribbing him because his field is just so abstract and seems to have no relevance to the real world. One day, it gets to him, and he resolves to arm himself with some practical applications of research mathematics for the next encounter. He realizes that his own specialty (mathematical logic) is probably too far beyond them to be of any use there, so he goes to the department bulletin board to find an upcoming talk about something practical. Luckily, a talk is scheduled that afternoon on "the theory of gears." "Perfect!" he says. Nothing could be more practical, more down-to-earth. Finally, he'll be able to prove to his friends that mathematics is relevant to the real world. That afternoon, he's so excited that he goes to the talk five minutes early and sits in the first row of seats. Then, at the scheduled time, the speaker stands up and begins: "While the theory of gears with real numbers of teeth is well understood...."

Answer by diab for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-10-21T06:54:34Z

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer, the second one orders half a beer, the third one a quarter of beer and so on. After a while of this happening, the bartender says "Come on guys! So many people and not even a couple of beers??".

Answer by r for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-10-21T11:57:01Z

Have you head the one about the constipated mathematician?

He had to work it with a pencil.

Answer by gowers for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-10-21T22:17:38Z

My favourite is supposedly a joke made by a mathematician who was interviewing a not very good graduate student who was taking generals. The interview was going badly, so to make the student feel better the mathematician asked him for an example of a non-compact topological space. "The reals?" suggested the student, to which the mathematician replied, "Which topology were you taking?"

Answer by Gabe Cunningham for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-10-21T22:34:04Z

There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and 9 others.

Answer by 1331 for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-10-21T23:14:25Z

Check out the book 777 Mathematical Conversation Starters by John de Pillis. The subject of the book is mathematics topics to talk about, but it is also full of interesting quotes, jokes, and cartoons.

Answer by Eric Wofsey for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-10-21T23:51:51Z

Here are some of my favorites that were invented by friends of mine:

Q: What kind of maps should you take with you on car trips?

A: Automorphisms.

Q: What do you call it when you're trying to prove that a map is injective, but you just can't do it?

A: Monic fail.

Answer by asdf for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-10-22T01:14:29Z

After a 1-dimensional collapse, what did the 1-simplex show that new chick from logistics?

Answer by toothycat for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-10-22T12:36:35Z

Abstruse Goose is great for maths and physics jokes.

Answer by foobar for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-10-22T13:10:58Z

12 ? The least integer that symbolizes all integers just by itself. Successors: 123, 1234...

Answer by George Lowther for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-10-22T19:55:00Z

Do good math jokes exist? Under the axiom of choice, sure. But it's not possible to find an explicit example.

Answer by larry Senner for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-10-22T21:05:08Z

The water receded and the Ark came to rest upon the land. Noah opened the doors and commanded the animals, “Go forth and multiply.” The animals slowly departed the Ark except for two snakes that remained in the back. Again Noah proclaimed ,“Go forth and multiply” yet the two snakes did not move. Noah walked to the back of the Arc and asked, “Why have you not followed my command”.? The snakes answered, “Noah, we can’t because we are Adders.”

Noah then went out upon the land and felled several large trees; from these trees he made a four legged platform. He then went inside the Arc and carried the snakes outside and upon placing them on the platform, his words became true.

As everyone knows … Adders can multiply using log tables.

Answer by larry Senner for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-10-23T18:36:05Z

Test to tell the difference between a Physicist or a Mathematician

Consider the following scenario: A room with a sink at the far end with a working cold water faucet plus a table with the following items on top – small bucket, ring stand, Bunsen burner, and a pack of matches. The problem is to boil water.

If the individual picks up the bucket from the table, walks to the sink and fills the bucket from the faucet, brings it back to the table, sets it on the ring stand, puts the Bunsen burner under the stand, and then lights the burner and waits for the water to boil … this establishes the base line but does not separate which it the Physicist and which is the Mathematician.

Test scenario 2: The bucket is now sitting on the floor under the table and the problem is again to boil water.

If the individual picks up the bucket from under the table, walks directly to the sink and fills the bucket from the faucet, brings it back to the table, sets it on the ring stand, puts the Bunsen burner under the stand, and then lights the burner and waits for the water to boil … this proves that this individual is the Physicist.

However, if the individual picks up the bucket from under the table and places it back on top of the table thus reducing the current problem to a form that they have previously solved … this proves that this individual is the Mathematician.

Answer by Eitan Chatav for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-10-23T21:39:40Z

Your momma's so fat she's not embeddable in R^3. Oh yeah? Your momma's so fat she contradicts Whitney's theorem.

A topologist is someone who doesn't know the difference between his ass and a hole in the ground but does know the difference between his ass and two holes in the ground.

I went to visit him while he was lying ill at the hospital. I had come in taxi cab number 14 and remarked that it was a rather dull number. "No" he replied, "it is a very interesting number. It's the smallest number expressible as the product of 7 and 2 in two different ways."

Answer by Manny Reyes for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-10-23T22:40:17Z

One of my favorites. It's about a statistician - close enough for me. (I found this version of the joke here)

A physicist, an engineer, and a statistician were out game hunting. The engineer spied a bear in the distance, so they got a little closer. "Let me take the first shot!" said the engineer, who missed the bear by three metres to the left. "You're incompetent! Let me try" insisted the physicist, who then proceeded to miss by three metres to the right. "Ooh, we got him!!" said the statistician.

Answer by A. Rex for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-10-24T06:04:13Z

My favorite one-liner:

Why did the mathematician name his dog "Cauchy"? Because he left a residue at every pole.

My favorite anecdote:

An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician find themselves in an anecdote, indeed an anecdote quite similar to many that you have no doubt already heard. After some observations and rough calculations the engineer realizes the situation and starts laughing. A few minutes later the physicist understands too and chuckles to himself happily, as he now has enough experimental evidence to publish a paper. This leaves the mathematician somewhat perplexed, as he had observed right away that he was the subject of an anecdote and deduced quite rapidly the presence of humor from similar anecdotes, but considers this anecdote to be too trivial a corollary to be significant, let alone funny.

Answer by Diego de Estrada for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-10-26T00:10:53Z

If we can formalize the property of "being a good math joke" good enough to construct a Turing Machine that checks it, then I think we can conclude they don't exist.

The reason is that in that case we can construct a Turing Machine (say of length N) that checks each possible string, and stops only if a good math joke was found. The busy beaver function on N establishes an upper bound for the number of strings the machine needs to check until we can conclude that it wouldn't halt (and therefore no good math jokes exist).

Based on empirical evidence, it may be possible that all those cases have already been checked (with negative answer), which implies my thesis.

(I'm being ironical, I like much of the jokes posted in here :P)

Answer by John Goodrick for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-10-26T00:48:57Z

Q: Why was 3 afraid of 5?

A: Because "5 8 13."

(Works better when you actually say it out loud...)

Answer by Andrew Stacey for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-10-26T07:28:34Z

For actual humour, rather than simply bad puns, I recommend the books:

A Random Walk in Science
More Random Walks in Science

As well as the odd bad pun, they also contain many anecdotes demonstrating that scientists (and mathematicians) are also human. A few that have stuck in my memory: just about every "mathematics of big game hunting" method, the various "proof by ...", a (genuine!) article co-authored by a cat, and a disturbing article on refereemanship.

Answer by Jon for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-10-28T00:43:28Z

It was proven by Cantor that a good math joke exists. Unfortunately, his proof was entirely non-constructive.

Answer by Humberto Rafeiro for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-10-30T13:25:53Z

The continuous functions are having a ball. At the dance floor, cosine and sine are jumping up and down, and the polynomials are forming a ring. But the exponential function is standing separately the whole evening. Due to sympathy for it, the identity joins it and suggest: "Come one, just integrate yourself!" – "I've tried that already", answers the exponential function, "but it didn't change a bit!"

another one

Why the mathematician named his dog "Cauchy"? Because he leaves a residue at every pole

Answer by Jason S for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-10-30T23:44:19Z

an anecdote about David Hilbert from the wonderful book (for us laymen ;-) Prime Obsession:

Hilbert had a student who one day presented him with a paper purporting to prove the Riemann Hypothesis. Hilbert studied the paper carefully and was really impressed by depth of the argument; but unfortunately he found an error in it which even he could not eliminate. The following year the student died. Hilbert asked the grieving parents if he might be permitted to make a funeral oration. While the student's relatives and friends were weeping beside the grave in the rain, Hilbert came forward. He began by saying what a tragedy it was that such a gifted young man had died before he had had an opportunity to show what he could accomplish. But, he continued, in spite of the fact that this young man's proof of the Riemann Hypothesis contained an error, it was still possible that some day a proof of the famous problem would be obtained along the lines which the deceased had indicated. "In fact," he continued with enthusiasm, standing there in the rain by the dead student's grave, "let us consider a function of a complex variable...."

Answer by Garlef Wegart for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-10-31T01:23:33Z

Here's a legend we have at our institute:

Prof: "Give an example of a vector space."

Student: "V"

Answer by petef for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-11-03T17:27:35Z

I first heard this on an episode of the Big Bang Theory, I don't know the origin.

The physicist asks the mathematician: "Why did the chicken cross the road?"

The mathematician ponders a while and then replies: "I have a solution, but it only works for a spherical chicken in a vacuum."

Answer by joe s for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-11-03T22:17:20Z

Q: What's purple and commutes? A: An abelian grape!

Answer by Eric Wofsey for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-11-04T00:11:47Z

Q: What's purple and commutes? A: A dead baby in a suitcase.

Q: What's purple and commutes and has a certain number of followers? A: A dead baby Jesus in a suitcase.

Answer by Ross Churchley for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-11-04T04:26:18Z

Less of a joke than an observation, but...

I've always found it appropriate that online identity thieves are in the business of stealing ones and zeroes.

Answer by Andy Mikula for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-11-04T04:45:07Z

Q: What is non-orientable and lives in the ocean?
A: Möbius Dick...

A mathematician organizes a raffle in which the prize is an infinite amount of money paid over an infinite amount of time. Of course, with the promise of such a prize, his tickets sell like hot cake.

When the winning ticket is drawn, and the jubilant winner comes to claim his prize, the mathematician explains the mode of payment: "1 dollar now, 1/2 dollar next week, 1/3 dollar the week after that..."

"The number you have dialed is imaginary. Please, rotate your phone by 90 degrees and try again..."

From a former prof. - http://www.math.ualberta.ca/~runde/jokes.html

Answer by Gil Kalai for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-11-06T13:33:15Z

A millionaire is trying to scientifically develop the best racing horse. He asked a biologist, veterinary, trainer, and a mathematician. The biologist gives him an advice about which type of horse to cross with which other type, the veterinary advices on how to feed the horse, and how to keep him healthy, the trainer explains how to physically train the horse. The mathematician does not reply. After a few weeks the millionaire meets the mathematician and it looks that the mathematician did not sleep much in recent days. Do you have a solution for me, ask the millionaire? It is a difficult problem, answers the mathematician, but I think I have a satisfactory solution to the case of spherical horses.

Answer by fedja for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-11-06T19:28:29Z

Here is the one I heard recently.

Professor: What is a root of $f(z)$ of multiplicity $k$?

Student: It is a number $a$ such that if you plug it into $f$, you get $0$; if you plug it in again, you again get $0$, and so $k$ times. But if you plug it into $f$ for the $k+1$-st time, you do not get $0$.

Answer by Donald Casadonte for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-11-06T20:28:41Z

Dear All,

I just stumbled onto this site.

Among other things that I do (chemistry, music), I am a humor theorist who specializes in using mathematical methods to study humor (mostly, I study either the logic of humor or do neuromathematical modeling of how we think the brain responds to humor in places like the pre-frontal cortex and the brainstem).

In any case, I am a reviewer for Humor, which is THE peer-reviewed journal for humor studies and I have written a review of exactly what you are looking for: a book of mathematical humor written by a mathematician. The book is called Comic Sections and was written by the Irish mathematician, Desmond McHale. Unfortunately, Humor is a subscription journal, so the review is unavailable, as is, apparently, the book. It is out of print. If you wish to contact him, his e-mail may be found through the math department at the University of Cork, Ireland.

Donald Casadonte

Answer by Amy Pang for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-11-07T01:44:27Z

A friend made this up recently (I prefer the first half on its own):

"No meal is complete without soup. But you have to order it first."

Also I like this meta-joke, also by a friend (who didn't understand the original):

"What's purple and commutes? An abelian eggplant."

EDIT: one more, by Elizabeth: "Does this measure make me look fat?"

Answer by Greg Kuperberg for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-11-13T07:49:53Z

I once ad-libbed this one. (Alas, it is a late entrant.)

Q: Why is it important to study Verma modules of Lie algebras?

A: The most widely used modules of Lie algebras and Lie groups are finite-dimensional irreducible representations, the Weyl modules. Of course, you should learn them first when you study representation theory. But they are only the tip of the iceberg.

Answer by Somnath Basu for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-11-21T09:01:32Z

I have a few that I've heard and liked.

(1) The Mobius strippers always show their backside.

(2) Apparently, a quote of Paul Erdos, but it's funny nonetheless : Another roof, another proof.

(3) An experimental physicist meets a mathematician in a bar and they start talking. The physicict asks, "What kind of math do you do?" to which the mathematician replies, "Knot theory." The physicist says, "Me neither!"

(4) The primary reason Bourbaki stopped writing books was the realization that Lang was one single person.

Answer by unknown (google) for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-11-23T05:30:45Z

What did the forgetful dealer do for his stoner friend?

He left adjoint as a free object.

Answer by Jonas Meyer for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-11-24T10:04:35Z

I enjoy this page of Milne's Tips for Authors.

I also find the book Mathematics Made Difficult by Linderholm to be hilarious. I'm not going to search for favorites, but I find the first 2 exercises amusing:

"1. Show that a finite subset of an arbitrary set E in a ring suffices to generate the ideal generated by E if, and only if, the ring is Noetherian.

*2. Show that 17 x 17 = 289. Generalize this result."

Answer by Gil Kalai for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-11-26T13:05:46Z

Here is a joke I invented (based on a famous one) and had mixed reaction.

A young mathematician comes to present to a famous mathematician his conjecture and ideas. "You are absolutely wrong," the famous mathematician dismissed the young one. Next enters another young mathematician and presents precisely the opposite conjecture. "You are absolutely wrong" replies the famous mathematician. The famous mathematician's wife interferes. "How could you tell both of them that they are wrong," she sais. "They have made completely opposite claims, one of them must be right!" "You are also wrong," replied the famous mathematician.

Answer by Colin Diemer for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-11-26T22:21:56Z

Q: What did the threefold blown up at two points say while waiting in a long line for a restroom?

A: I have to pee too.

Answer by Peter McNamara for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-11-26T22:35:28Z

The answer to the question posed in the title "Do Good Math Jokes Exist" is yes and is easily found on google.

Answer by Thomas Riepe for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-11-28T08:51:40Z

Fesenko's math joke collection, selected from the Cherkaev collection.

Answer by presently anon for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-11-28T19:35:33Z

Don't remember where I saw this, but as a woman in mathematics, it tickles me no end:

A poet, a priest, and a lawyer are discussing whether it's better to have a wife or a mistress.

The poet argues that it's better to have a mistress because love should be free and spontaneous.

The priest argues that it's better to have a wife because love should be sanctified by God.

The mathematician says, "I think it's better to have both. That way, when each of them thinks you're with the other, you can do some mathematics."

Answer by Felipe Voloch for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-12-04T18:48:00Z

A British mathematician was giving a talk in Grothendieck's seminar in Paris. He started "Let X be a variety...". This caused some talking among the students sitting in the back, who were asking each other "What's a variety?". Serre, sitting in the front row, turns around a bit annoyed and says "Integral scheme of finite type over a field".

Answer by ambrosiac for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-12-06T06:19:06Z

(From the unpublished manuscript "Mathematics in a nutshell":)

A coconut is just a nut

Answer by Kevin O'Bryant for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-12-06T06:48:07Z

Theorem: There are infinitely many composite numbers.

Proof: Suppose there are only finitely many, and multiply them together.

Answer by Rado for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-12-10T23:14:10Z

a pure and applied mathematician were sitting in a bar, when they spotted a hot chick 2 meters away. However, this was a weird place where they could take one 1 meter step and each consecutive would have to be half of the length of the previous one.

The pure mathematician was sad because he knew he could never get to the girl. The applied one was happy because he knew that for all practical purposes he can get close enough.

Answer by RBarryYoung for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-12-11T01:50:34Z

Mathematician1: So why did you become a mathematician?

Mathematician2: I don't like working with numbers.

Answer by evan for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-12-13T07:32:18Z

After introducing general topological spaces, the professor began to introduce the notion of convergence without a metric. He turned around and said,

"I have no balls."

A hit for months.

Answer by jp for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-12-14T21:42:21Z

If I remember correctly someone told me that this really happened:

A famous mathematician gave a talk (maybe about mathematical physics), after which an as famous physicist sitting in the first row got up, and loudly declared: "That's all nice, but without mathematics, research in physics would be maybe a week behind the state it is now!"

The famous mathematician responded: "Yes, the week god needed to create the world."

Answer by Steven Pav for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-12-15T01:31:20Z

Posterior Analysis: when a statistician looks at the rear end of a member of the appropriate sex.

Answer by the_sys for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-12-22T12:30:59Z

In a math party, all were having a good time. y was the dj, everybody was Riemmanly drunk. Then, when the x saw e^x on a corner crying, he asked: - Hey e^x, why don't you integrate ? - Because I keep always the same!!!

Answer by Darsh Ranjan for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-12-23T06:35:07Z

jose's post reminds me of one I heard Michael Hutchings tell during an undergraduate calculus lecture:

$e^x$ was walking down the street one day and met a polynomial running in the opposite direction.

"Wait, why are you running?" asked $e^x$. The polynomial said:

"There's a differential operator over there! It could differentiate me and turn me into zero!" And the polynomial continued running in fright.

"Ha ha," $e^x$ said to himself. "I'm $e^x$! Let them differentiate me as many times as they want, it makes no difference to me!" So $e^x$ walked on and reached the differential operator. He confidently introduced himself: "Hi, I'm $e^x$!" The reply:

"Hi, I'm $\partial/\partial y$!"

Answer by Gumeo for Do good math jokes exist?

2009-12-23T19:04:24Z

I excuse my english if you spot some flaws...., since this is my first post here I thought it would be nice to share some neat jokes.

1) A mathematician, a physicist and an engineer were out in the countryside when they met a farmer trying to build a fence. They introduced themselves and the farmer asked them if they could help him shape the fence so he would get as much space as possible within it. The engineer stepped forward and said, that it would be best for the farmer to make the fence square, that would be easiest. The physicist then said that it would be better to make it as a circle, because then he would get as much space as possible. The mathematician laughed and said that you can get a lot more space then that! He took some pieces of fence and rolled it around himself, then he defined himself outside the fence!

2) Infinitely many mathematicians walked into a bar, the first one asked for one beer, the next one asked for half a beer, the third one asked for a quarter of a beer and the fourth one asked for one eight of a beer, then the bartender said :"screw this" and filled two glasses of beer!

3) An engineer was working on a problem when suddenly his trash bin caught fire. He immediately grabbed the fire extinguisher and put out the fire. In the next room a physicist was also working on a problem when his trash caught fire, he thought, fire extinguisher block oxygen from the fire, ergo fire is put out. So he grabs the fire extinguisher and puts out the fire. In the third room there was a mathematician working on a problem, his trash bin also caught fire so he looked at and thought, problem has a solution, and continued working!